I don’t expect you to understand this, but I shall tell you anyway.
I was brought into existence on the planet Vrontar in the Zedron solarplex 6 million lightyears from your Earth by Drada the God of the Night and Hverda the Enslaver of the Damned. These beings rejected me and threw my body into Sintar, the River of Fire. I was saved and subsequently raised by the 12-headed wolf beast Ulan and his clan of shape-shifting hellbeasts in Drednought, the Great Forest Where No Light Shines. The evil Drada and Hverda then conquered the Seven Realms of Time and Space over 100 galaxies.
After 60 thousand Earth years, I prepared to leave the Great Forest and take my revenge. I rode the great beast Ulan to the royal fortress during a banquet procession, where we entered dressed as a poor farmer with his sheep. Due to their customs, the king and queen must allow beggars to enter grand banquets. I hid until nightfall and then assassinated the war orc guarding the tower. I rode Ulan up the tower into the bedchamber of Drada and Hverda. I beheaded the king and queen while they slept and led my pack of hell beasts to reclaim the interplanetary kingdom due to me.
Now my gaze turns to Earth. Humans, when you witness my wrath you shall beg to become my slaves. I expect nothing less than your total surrender.
– Gygax the Malevolent
OK, if you’re still reading this, you deserve to know the truth. We are Norm and Marge (not our real names), and we are a DINK couple. I’ll be writing about mostly personal finance with lots of analysis of the little things, DIY projects, travel, and just generally how to get the most enjoyment out of your money by using it more awesomely.